Thursday, June 26, 2008

Love in this Club

I received an email from an acquaintance. Our families live in the same village in Samoa, and we attended the same LDS ward as well.

She has been going through the trials of seperation/divorce for a few years now. It's difficult. There is a child to consider. But I saw that she had lately posted up pictures with huge smiling faces and heart warming sayings on her social network profile.

It reminded me of myself and how unbelievably happy being in love can make you feel. It never ceases to amaze me how SAD I used to be. I didn't realize it until I stopped being that way.

The lonelyness birds just up and flew away on April19, 2006. I remember that day because it was the first date for J and myself.

I married my first husband in 1997, after dating him for 8 months. I know now that he can't have really loved me, because he didn't know me. And I know he didn't know me, because I was still finding out who I really was.

In 2004, after way too many fights, arguements and physical altercations, I left home to try out Hawaii on my own. We had plans to try and work it out, but it never did. I had been vascillating between long-distance marriage with a philandering husband who wanted to keep his chick in Samoa and me and my resident alien sponsoring self in Hawaii. It took me only 2 years alone in Hawaii before I shook myself up enough to file and finalize the divorce.

The saddest thing was that I had let myself grow more depressed and unhappy for most of my 9 years of marriage to my first husband. Me, the happiest person I know.

I didn't recognize who I had transformed myself into. It wasn't his fault. His was always just an ever present guilt trip I surrounded myself with. I never thought another person's opinions on who I should be would make me unrecognizable to myself.

And just as amazingly, I've never known how much being loved, supported and cherished can empower you.

Love in this Club is for all the mothers/women/females who are trying to get free from a bad relationship.

Love yourself first, so that you can love your children.

Trust yourself, so that you can trust your new partner.

Enjoy the feelings of a new start with someone who loves you.


Anonymous said...

Awwww. Lovely read sis. I'm happy that you're happy. Real talk. I always knew that the MOLE was shady. But that's old news! :) Just be true to yourself no matter what and don't let anyone try to change who you KNOW you are. Unless, it's something negative and in those cases, it's always good to improve and grow in the positive. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!