Can I just get a moment of self-indulgence...

I love to dance. Privately. When no one, and I mean NO ONE is around.
When I am my own private dancer, I win all the awards and competitions. But I am just too shy to ever share that with my adoring fan base.
I am, however, not shy to share something I am super proud of-dance wise that is.
I have included the link to my daughter dancing for her high school club, post high school, and in preparation for her bid at a scholarship/beauty/culture pageant in 2007.
A few things to know about Ms. Beenie...she is a VERY private person, so private in fact, I remember one of my sister's friends telling me that she had never met a kid who so thoroughly did not seek or seem to need an adult person's attention when in their company. She was 7 at that time.
I have never seen that, but I'm Mom, and I am always in her face.
But I digress. Beenie is private. She is very selective about when she dances in public. All the way up to this competition.
This dance in public, a solo dance that we call "taualuga" in Samoan, represents her hardest effort at a task or skill that she set her mind to. A skill I have yet to master myself.
Many of you may say, "Wasn't your Mom a dancer for PCC/Promo Team" in her younger days.
Yes. Yes. A thousand times Yes.
But that cultural dancing gene up and skipped me..and my sisters, if I may be so bold. (Note to my gentle readers, yes, all 4:Please do not think we can't get down on the club dance floor. The awkwardness is only in the realm of taualuga.)
This summer,however, I am having her work with me until my hands are graceful and my feet se'e like they've always known that movement and my body can bend and extend with the best of those Taupous.

Happy Easter from the Easter Bunny! Quack!

Running here and there, and finally arriving.

Finished my RS presentation last week Thursday, and I was fully focused on it for the week leading up to it. BTW, it was on my dad's birthday, and he would have been 67 years old.
I found out some things about myself, that, even though I am gonna be 38, I was still surprised to discover:
1) Beenie's rigidly fixated attitude toward some tasks is partly a genetic inheritance from me. In my need to complete the handouts to be a "perfect" copy of what they suggested, I spent too much money, time and stress. Had I just used that as a jumping off point, I would have been able to save money, time and stress.
2) I approach each "teaching" experience as a performance, so with that, I get the performance anxiety that accompanies a performer.
3) I try to be as good as I always remember my Mom was when she gave talks. She ROCKS! If you have never heard her present, in Samoan or English, you've missed half your life.
4) I missed my immediate family as I was sharing my message with my ward family.
5) My message was based on a story titled "Welcome to Holland" and you should all read it if you get a chance.

You may wonder at the title, so here is a little insight.
My mother's youngest sister, Arlene, who was hands down the coolest and most hip aunty that ever walked this planet, called us one Easter with this greeting. She's gone now, but these words and the little joke embedded in it always remind me of her. It is my traditional Easter sentiment since I was in 5th grade.

BTW, if you have time, go to my sister's blog and get a look into her life and a good ol' laugh as well.

Farewell to my Brother Vika

On Saturday, my older brother Vika will be laid to rest after a two year battle with cancer.
He was my father's son, older than Seka by 2 years. I met him when I was 11 years old, at Flag Day in Hawaii at Keehi Lagoon. He came up to Pat and said hello.
Salu just about had a heart attack.
I made a joke to an aunty after he was introduced "He's my long lost brother"
Salu just about had an aneurysm to follow up that heart attack.
My parents decided to tell us about him that night, after the fact. Up to that point, we had been a family of girls, so this was big news for me. I had always wanted a big brother who would beat up the bullies and mean kids that so often crossed my path. Seka didn't quite fit the image in my mind of a boy rescuing us from the evil palefaces that surrounded us.
I don't know what happened to him between that year we met and when we moved to Samoa 4 years later. His mother and my father were a complicated issue that resulted in him. Little did I know that that particular trait is very common in Samoan men in general, and Reid men in particular.
We were given the chance to really get to know him when we moved down in 1986. He worked for Pat's company, doing any and all feaus. He came and picked us up after school, watched us when our parents went on a trip, and never ratted us out to them when we snuck out with the car or had friends over. (Not always girl friends either. Ha ha.)
For the next 15 years or so, I would see him driving his bus or his tricked out truck on the road. The last time I saw him was in a store in Tutuila, maybe 6 years ago. He was shopping with his son and I was picking up something to drink.
It was not awkward-we were cordial. Chit chat for 3 minutes, then say goodbye. We never hung out or had Christmas together, but where ever he was, he was always my big brother.
No regrets for the times we didn't have together, just happy for the times we did.
Manuia lou malaga Vika.

Cheap/Free/Easy

“When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.” Maria the Flaky Novitiate

So our apartment got flooded about a month ago, and we have been able to stay in this bigger apartment for the same price as our older one. How great is that?

Jun can borrow laptops over night from his work. It beats having to sit at his work or school library to do stuff. Anyways, just like in our old apartment, we can get on an open network to access the internet. How great is that?

We bought our small 19” TV last year for $25 and it’s been great. We don’t have cable so I just use the coaxial cable as an antenna and get the local stations. I’m not worried about Feb 17, because we can just get on the internet and watch episodes of our shows that we missed. How great is that?

Jun loves music. He spends the majority of his time on the internet looking for songs he loves. We go on YouTube and Lala-which we just discovered. We can listen to a song as long as we want and then click to the next, no charge. How great is that?

What’s better than a cheap buffet? A cheap buffet that offers coupons regularly. How great is that?

Love is the best four letter word ever. Happy VD to all!

January Jeopardy for Mabel’s Life

· Category: Toddler Talk and Terrorists During Holidays for $200.
· The Answer: Applehead.
· The Question: What do you call the defensive move characterized by a 3-year old named Paytience hitting your 2-year old nephew Malachi on his head with the nearest fruit the day after Thanksgiving?

· Category: Answering the Callings for $0.
· The Answer: Service.
· The Question: What is the term given to teaching in the Senior Nursery with 10 crazy 3-year olds and teaching in the Wolf Den (Cub Scouts) with 3(soon to be 7) active 8-year old boys in your ward?

· Category: Precipitous Events for $550
· The Answer: Raining On My Parade, and Bed, and Couch, and…
· The Question: What do you call the leak from the 3rd floor sprinkler system that eventually flooded all the way down to our studio last week and requiring us to camp out at Rachel’s for a couple of days and temporarily relocating to a 2 bedroom while we wait for the repairs to be completed?

· Category: Chess for $1000
· The Answer: The Queen aka Mabel.
· The Question: Name the chess piece that has the greatest range on the chess board OR the only female in University City Ward’s Troop 215 leadership?

· Category: Journeys of a Lifetime for $Priceless.
· The Answer: Knowing I’m right where I’m supposed to be and doing what I need to right now.
· The Question: What keeps a middle aged, college grad, unemployed, re-located Islander sane and able to handle the separation from all things familiar and comfortable?

That’s all we have time for. Tune in next month for an exciting new version of “Wheel of Fortunate Happenings that Lead to My Sweet Husband.”

Blue about Grey’s
Is it me or is Grey’s Anatomy beginning to suck? I arrived in Charlotte almost 2 years ago. My sisters, Maki and Ray, as well as my brother Teezy F. Baby, were all hooked on this much praised show. Ray had it on her DVR. I watched, mid season 3, and then started to catch up on DVDs. I got hooked. I loved all of them, McDreamy and McSteamy.
I waited anxiously to get to season 4, and was rewarded. Loads of “Medical” and heaps of “Drama” in this season. But now, here in season 5, I could care less. In fact, I have gone from interest to irritation to disinterest.
What I’m bothered with on Grey’s is this repeated use of repeated dialogue.
Ex: A woman who finds out she is going to die of cancer says “It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.” in a slowly fading voice.
An intern, trying to seduce her attending, says “Teach me. Teach me. Teach me.” as she undresses.
A resident tells another resident she likes “I care about you. I care about you. I care about you.” until he plants a big smooch on her.
All these lines are delivered with a straight face. I know it’s only supposed to mirror real life, but I don’t know anyone who talks like that. And what’s up with the three-peatness of all these lines?
Is it me or is that just terrible writing?
Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

The Field is Un-Harvestable...

Trapped on my old computer at home are some 20+ pieces that I have worked on since September.
I am currently unable to transfer them from the dinosaurean relic of a desktop that I have to the new fangled comps here at Junius's work-school-library.
I also found at least 5 other pieces, in longhand, that were tucked away in my yellow and blue composition books that I tabbed last year.
Can I just say that reading my own writing after a year of forgetting was a treat. I actually had forgotten what I wrote, so each piece was a surprise. Some of the surprises were surprisingly good.
But then again, my writing is like my cooking.
I always love what I cook.

The 2-Way Street Called Forgiveness.

I was stopped by a conscience police at the intersection of self-righteousness and humility. He ticketed me for things unfinished in years prior. The list of offenses may be longer than I want to admit. But again, it was a conscience police. What lie could I give him that would work?
I may be due in court to discuss my side of this soon.

Hello 2009. You and I will be GREAT friends!

Just a few thoughts as this new year begins.
I don't intend to make a bunch of resolutions and fail to keep them.
I will make a list of things to focus my creative energy on, and my new found love of "follow through".
For instance, none of this "Lose Weight" mantra. I just want to be "Fit and Healthy". So here we go.
Write daily, publish frequently.
Express my gratitude as often as needed.
Be gracious in all situations, especially uncomfortable ones.
Do something wild, unpredictable, spontaneous, yet safe and legal, sometime this year.
Let go of fear. It is the little death.
Replace bouts of profanity with unusual choices. This month's word: APPLEHEAD! (*story to come later this month)
Share the fantastic feats of AJ and Malachi with the universe.
Support and guide Beenie.
Love Junius.

The Dregs of My SocialNetworking...

Am almost ready to let go of this part of my life. I have been saying I will move on and now I must follow through. 2008 was the year of BIG CHANGES. 2009 will be the year of FOLLOW THROUGH.
And LISTS. Oh my how I love to make a list.
A few thoughts on my blogging though, to you my gentle reader.
I have not made up my mind on what exact level of freedom I will give my thoughts and words here on this public forum.
I have spent some time reading a few blogs here and there. Most people's words are just little updates on their lives. No harm.
But some choose to use this somewhat "anonymous" venue as the release point of their seemingly innermost and private thoughts. And, a travelogue of their doings.
I will not commit to a number of blogs per week/month/year.
I just commit to spending the bulk of my internet time on this site and not others.
No pictures though. I still don't have a camera.

The Anti-Social Network.

I am contemplating a new idea for myself.
I will no longer participate, actively anyway, on any social network.
WHY?
It eats up too much time that I could better spend doing a multitude of tasks that others do daily, such as:
1. Read books.
2. Practice creating new coiffures in my mirror.
3. Crochet and other needlecraft.
4. Sew items of use for various children in my inner circle.
5. Plan and budget my resources to the best use/efficacy.

This will take place on December 1, 2008.

Love in this Club

I received an email from an acquaintance. Our families live in the same village in Samoa, and we attended the same LDS ward as well.

She has been going through the trials of seperation/divorce for a few years now. It's difficult. There is a child to consider. But I saw that she had lately posted up pictures with huge smiling faces and heart warming sayings on her social network profile.

It reminded me of myself and how unbelievably happy being in love can make you feel. It never ceases to amaze me how SAD I used to be. I didn't realize it until I stopped being that way.

The lonelyness birds just up and flew away on April19, 2006. I remember that day because it was the first date for J and myself.

I married my first husband in 1997, after dating him for 8 months. I know now that he can't have really loved me, because he didn't know me. And I know he didn't know me, because I was still finding out who I really was.

In 2004, after way too many fights, arguements and physical altercations, I left home to try out Hawaii on my own. We had plans to try and work it out, but it never did. I had been vascillating between long-distance marriage with a philandering husband who wanted to keep his chick in Samoa and me and my resident alien sponsoring self in Hawaii. It took me only 2 years alone in Hawaii before I shook myself up enough to file and finalize the divorce.

The saddest thing was that I had let myself grow more depressed and unhappy for most of my 9 years of marriage to my first husband. Me, the happiest person I know.

I didn't recognize who I had transformed myself into. It wasn't his fault. His was always just an ever present guilt trip I surrounded myself with. I never thought another person's opinions on who I should be would make me unrecognizable to myself.

And just as amazingly, I've never known how much being loved, supported and cherished can empower you.

Love in this Club is for all the mothers/women/females who are trying to get free from a bad relationship.

Love yourself first, so that you can love your children.

Trust yourself, so that you can trust your new partner.

Enjoy the feelings of a new start with someone who loves you.